An Open Letter to Computer Programmers

Dear Computer Programmer:

I know...life is hard. You've got all these fantastic math-enabled genes - and for whatever cruel twist of fate, that seems to translate into a life of social awkwardness.

I know that you're cool. You know that you're cool. Hipsters around the world are rooting for you...but damn it, this is a jock-centric country. The Cowboys are in power, and you my fine four-eyed bretheren, are shit-out-of-luck.

My plea to you is to forge ahead boldy with your pride intact. You are mathemagicians of the 21st century!

What brings me to this? Well, it's like this: Why is it that whenever I see a piece of really new cool programming, it has to be wrapped in some screetchingly pathetic testament to your inability to get laid? No, I don't mean you specifically, I'm sure you get laid all the time. Really, I believe you.

Here's what I'm talking about. THIS is a very very cool project exploring physics and gravity and mechanics and all that good stuff.

It's essentially a person falling down a bottomless pit. In the pit are giant bubbles that the person (obviously unconscious) runs into. It's really really impressive. If the body gets stuck, you can manipulate it with your mouse to get it going. It's like a hi-tech Executive Desk Toy.

So, why...why does the falling body need to be a blonde woman in nothing but skimpy black underwear?

Why take all that work and instantly downgrade it to the level of creepy cyberporn?

Anyways...I'm with you. I'm pulling for you. I only wish I had the programming ability and genius that you have. But for god's sake...put some pants on your test-dummies.

She'll respect you more in the morning.