Further Proof That My Cats Are Lazy Little Punks.

I knew $8 was too cheap for a quality cat. Look at what this cat does in his spare time:


My Cats are effing slackers. Look at this...

But who collects from the collection agency?

This guy:



Yeah, that's a Hyena.

No, it's not fake.

Yeah, it'll eat your face.

All those guys you know who are so tough? They got nothing.

If there's a toughness scale, our friends in Nigeria just set a new bar.

As an aside - In Europe, Rugby players make fun of American Football players because they wear pads and helmets. Americans can go on and on about how hard they hit and about how big our NFL players are, and Rugby players still scoff, because no matter how big the guys are, they're still wearing pads. Rugby players make American Football players look like the guy who plays flute in the marching band. Throw in the fact that pro-Rugby players aren't paid rediculous salaries, and that many of them are full time doctors and lawyers in addition to professional athletes, and it makes you wonder where our sports culture went wrong.

These dudes redefine badass. Do you see a muzzle on that Hyena? No.

Am I saying that the Hyena handlers are smart or to be admired? No, they're probably jerks to the animals, and I'm sure that most of them are missing fingers.

Pieter Hugo, The guy who took this photo was inspired by a snapshot that a tourist took from a car window of one of these fellows. The tourist said was told that the guy was a debt collector. Click his name for more pictures and for the real scoop.

Via Your Future is Used

For you dog owners of the world

Jack Black is one of my heros. He's fat, he's funny, he's sweaty, and the mo-fo can sing like he means it. He's teaming up with the best damned sock-puppet creator ever to make the Tenacious D movie, and I think he's probably one of the most authentic actors in Hollywood.

One of Mr. Black's lesser known movies is a flick called 'Envy'. The premise is that Jack Black is a really really irritating neighbor who think of himself as an inventor. One day, he invents a magical spray that makes dog poo fade away into thin air. He's an instant billionaire, and immediately builds a huge mansion across the street and buys a pony. Hilarity ensues. Christopher Walken arrives. All is right with the world.

The question, of course, was - where does the poo GO? I'll let you watch the movie to discover that.

Now imagine this series of events: You're in highschool. You're a stoner with a bit of a gift for ingenuity. You go to science class and maybe your teacher does that trick with the rose where he dips it in nitro-glycerin and then shatters it with a hammer. Cool! Then you sneak a few joints with some friends before heading home to plop down on your dog-fur covered couch, score some Cheetos and a Mountain Dew and get happily sucked into the movie "Envy" which has been in heavy rotation on USA. Your three-legged pug snuggles up to you, your hand curls tightly around your bong...

The stars align, and voila:




Think I'm just being creative with Photoshop? THINK AGAIN

I can't be sure that the above scenario is how this product was born. But really, how could it NOT be?

My kind of project

If you're thinking to yourself: What should I do this weekend?

Think no more.

I can't think of anything better to do on a lazy Saturday afternoon than melt down 13 pounds of gummie bears, and pour them into a gigantic bear-shaped mold to create a gigantic gummie bear.

What?

Oh.

Never mind THIS GUY already did it.



No, that ain't Jello.

Holy Addiction, Batman.

So, as evidenced from my prior post re: Pirates, I love puzzles.

I am now hopelessly addicted to Puzzle Pirates. I can think of nothing better to do to pass my time than to go out pillaging for booty.

Something that you may NOT know about me is that I also love physics. For instance, I often sit around wondering about how I could generate electricity from things like floor boards.

Sadly, my love of physics is stunted by my mathematical ineptitude. Geometry and Algebra are like dorky bullies, lurking in the hallways waiting to steal my pudding.

Anyway, check out this puzzle. It's called Planarity. It's based on some sort of math. You start with a spiderweb with movable points. The goal is to move the points so that none of the connecting lines overlap.

Planarity may very well be the solution to my Puzzle Pirates addiction.


One hint, when you think you've got it, you have to click the check button on the lower right side (I thought it would automatically know, and thus spent WAY too long on the very first one.)

It's simple, and yet very very compelling.

To me, anyway.

Oh, I found it on Joysiq - a website about video-games. Now you know.

I also love Pie.

This is a photo by David McEnery.

I have no right to post it, and yet - I'm gonna.

He just didn'a have enough powwwer. :(

Beam him up...

James Doohan, AKA Scotty, dead at 85.


Read more Here

And no, obviouly Scotty's death isn't what makes me happy. Rather, it's the memory of one of Television's classic characters. Scotty is an icon of kitchy stereotyping, from his accent to his fearless Scotsman swagger. I don't know how many times I've thrown on a rough brogue and delivered his lament, "I just canna DO it Cap'n! We need more powwwer!" *sigh* Good times. GREAT times.


In a cruel twist of fate, the inventor of the TV dinner, also passed away this week.

You heard me, I like treasure.

Damn right I like treasure.

Who doesn't?

If you do too, check out these fine links:

2,000 year old dishes!

Treasure you could have found, but didn't!(Actually, technically, there are still several jewels out there...but good luck...I tried.)

Masonic Treasure!


There's a lot of treasure out there!

YESSS YESSSSSSSSS!

I WIN BITCHES! All of your arguments are null and void!

HA.

Give me my monkey!

More Technology!

Check this shit out.

I mean really, who thinks this up? the genius behind this is just kind of unfathomable to me.

Look at this:


See what's going on there? No? That lady is holding a mirror. But the images are DIFFERENT.

That's right. The clever levers at Sharp have discovered a way to show multiple video feeds on a single monitor, depending on the angle of the viewer.

What??? Yeah.

So, for instance, a center mounted screen in a dashboard could provide the driver with a GPS map with directions and traffic reports, while the passenger watching the SAME SCREEN could watch a DVD.

I love the future.

Mysterious Urinal

No, there's no photo. Sorry.

So, at work, there's a urinal. It's an auto-flush deal. We're all familiar with the auto-flush, yes? A little motion detector senses when you're there, and when you leave, the toilet flushes.

Alright.

Well, this urinal seems pretty normal. Except. Except.

Whenever I go into the bathroom, there's pee in it.

Gross? Sure.

But once you get past that...it dawns on you that it's also impossible.

The urinal is in a little corridor formed by bathroom walls. You can't sneak up on it (nor can I fathom why youd want to).

It NEVER fails to flush after I leave.

So, who is leaving the mystery-pee? I have come up with two potential solutions:

1) A thirsty ghost. (He's invisible, so the sensor doesn't notice him)

2) A thirsty giant. (He's so tall that the auto-flush sensor shoots between his knees - thus failing to register him)

Anyway, it baffles me.

Ai Ai Aibo

I'm sure that you're all aware of the Sony Aibo. It's cute, it's robotic, and it's completely useless as a home guardian or a snuggle-buddy.

But, you can train it.


It makes sense to take something from nature that we can train, and mimic it in the pursuit of advanced robotics and computer programming. And hey, they make neat toys if you have that kind of money.

I mean, a real dog is free at the pound.






But the Aibo doesn't eat and subsequently, doesn't soil your new rockin' retro Adidas kicks (you iPod sportin' hipster).




Enter, the competition:

The iCat.


See what they've done? They've taken the idea of the Aibo, and turned it all around.

See? it's a Cat! You know what cats don't do??

Listen to a goddamned thing you have to say.

But this one does. Not only does it listen, it mocks you with overzealous enthusiasm. That's right; instead of making a dog-bot that acts like a dog, they've created a cat-bot that looks and acts nothing like a cat. Genius.

Also, while the Aibo focuses on mobility and such, the iCat doesn't have legs (but it does have eyebrows...). Which is good, because with a scowl like that, you don't want it to be mobile.


And just in case you're wondering where you can GET ONE, well, I think you know the answer to that.

So, it's been a rough few days.

I haven't posted anything new for a while because, well, honestly...things have kind of sucked.

But rather than bore you with obvious details of how painfully frustrating trying to have a career in the "entertainment industry" can be, I present you with a series of questions:

Do you like puzzles?

Do you find yourself bored at work?

Do you hate paying for things?

Do you love Lego dudes?

Do you love Pirates?

If you answered yes (or aye, or yarrr) to any or all of the above, it would behoove you to click :

HERE

Another Kurt Halsey Painting

Ladies and Gentlemen, I Give You:

Octopus dropkick!!!!!

Let it be known, that while it would appear that I have a serious Asian-absurdity fetish, I can assure you that nothing could be further from the truth. It just happens that most of the things I find awesome aren't made in the US. The French are just as silly as the Japanese, and I'll prove it.

But for now, allow me to invite you to visit ODK.

To entice you, here are some images:

A short film I'd like to see.

So, this was made a few years ago, but I just found it now.

Alexander Petrov has been nominated for Academy Awards for two of his prior animations, but this one really shines. He spent three YEARS painting individual frames for his adaptation of Hemingway's Old Man and the Sea.





Check out the trailer HERE.

If Netflix has a copy of this, I'm renting it, and then adding Netflix as my next low-stakes Sharebuilder wager investment.

Keep away from my KIWI's

Ok,

This is a very funny way to introduce a product that is ostensibly for back hair. Right. Because my back is shaped like kiwis. Two kiwis.

And those personal massagers everyone sells? Totally for sore back muscles. Honest.

Bored at Work?

I sure am.

So, I like movies. When I was little, I used to make flip-books. Sometimes, I still do. They were always kind of goofy - stick figures waggling around. They were pretty boss. Some would even call me a pro.

Well, someone has me beat.

Stick Figure Flash Fight Movie.

You may have already seen this. It's been around for a while, but this blog is where I keep things that make me happy, and this makes me happy. So here it is.

I think that there's really only one explanation for how they do this. I think they film a real live-action fight and motion capture it. Then they digitize it and translate it into low-tech stick-figure theater.

Either that, or they have a hundred 10-year-old boys working tirelessly in a stick-figure drawing sweatshop.

Regardless of how they do it, I could watch it for hours.

And that's just what I'm going to do now.

An Open Letter to Computer Programmers

Dear Computer Programmer:

I know...life is hard. You've got all these fantastic math-enabled genes - and for whatever cruel twist of fate, that seems to translate into a life of social awkwardness.

I know that you're cool. You know that you're cool. Hipsters around the world are rooting for you...but damn it, this is a jock-centric country. The Cowboys are in power, and you my fine four-eyed bretheren, are shit-out-of-luck.

My plea to you is to forge ahead boldy with your pride intact. You are mathemagicians of the 21st century!

What brings me to this? Well, it's like this: Why is it that whenever I see a piece of really new cool programming, it has to be wrapped in some screetchingly pathetic testament to your inability to get laid? No, I don't mean you specifically, I'm sure you get laid all the time. Really, I believe you.

Here's what I'm talking about. THIS is a very very cool project exploring physics and gravity and mechanics and all that good stuff.

It's essentially a person falling down a bottomless pit. In the pit are giant bubbles that the person (obviously unconscious) runs into. It's really really impressive. If the body gets stuck, you can manipulate it with your mouse to get it going. It's like a hi-tech Executive Desk Toy.

So, why...why does the falling body need to be a blonde woman in nothing but skimpy black underwear?

Why take all that work and instantly downgrade it to the level of creepy cyberporn?

Anyways...I'm with you. I'm pulling for you. I only wish I had the programming ability and genius that you have. But for god's sake...put some pants on your test-dummies.

She'll respect you more in the morning.

Just plain Old-school

The Mariopedia is a dictionary of all things Mario.

You're welcome.

New-School-old-school

This was tucked away in an issue of ReadyMade magazine. If you've never heard of ReadyMade...well, it's a magazine for hipsters who like to recycle stuff into new stuff. They're part of the whole movement that's rekindling the joys of crafting.

What? You didn't know there WAS such a movement? Look around! Old-school is the new New-School. Macrame pants are in! But instead of yarn, use old ethernet cable!

So, you've got a bunch of Winger CD's lurking sly-like on your shelf, waiting to jump out and wound your pride. Or maybe you have a copy of The Simpsons: Do The Bartman. Or perhaps you too got suckered into thinking that BritPop girlbands were ok.

Leave it to the Japanese to come up with a solution to your problem.

The Gakken Gramophone is a teeny little version of Thomas Edison's original Wax Disc player/recorder. Sound goes into the cup, the cup focuses the soundwaves into the tip of a sharp little needle, which scratches its way around a wax platter. Voila, the music industry was borne.

The Gakken version works with PLASTIC discs. Meaning your store-bought (or AOL mailed) CD's can be re-recorded on.

This opens a WHOLE NEW LEVEL of potential irony.

No, you can't play the new recordings on a CD player...you have to use a turntable, but that's ok. I'm sure you know a wanna-be DJ or two. I mean in this iPod era, my music collection is long-ripped onto a hard-drive. My CD player is just sitting around gathering dust - begging to get stripped down for its lasers. (that's an entirely different project)

And if the gramophone is too destructive for you, and not quite old-school enough for your retro-stylings. They also make a Cup-Phonograph which uses dixie cups in place of old wax-cylinders.

The best part - for all you Lego-lovers out there - you have to BUILD it before you can use it. That's right, it comes un-assembled.

Go on - start a revolution.

Another Post-Your-Cat-Photo site

Sure...there are a lot of post-your-cat-photo websites out there:

Rate My Kitten
Kitten Wars
For example.

They all have the same basic premise: Cats are cute, bored-at-work-internet-users love cute. Voila.

But with proliferation comes evolution. Specialization.

And thus, I give to you: Stuff on My Cat

The title says it all. It's a website for pictures of cats with stuff on them.

What kind of stuff? Well, there's the absurdly adorable, such as

Piggys in disguise:


And then there is the absurdly silly:


And of course, there's always the just plain absurd:


Yes, that's Urkel.

Kurt Halsey

I have a print of this painting. I love it.

Kurt Halsey

Rockin' the Micky D's French-style.

Run on over to bourgognevoyage for an explanation of this:


Man I love France.

Such a Good Idea

I hate Ribbon Magnets.

Actually, what I really hate are US Flag bumper-stickers that say "These colors don't run!"

Why do I hate them? Because they are invariably so sun-bleached and faded that their message of Patriotism is rendered pale and flaccid. I say that having a faded-flag sticker is akin to slowly torching a flag - and should therefore be punished similarly (if the proposed bill passes).

By all means, be patriotic! Just don't make an ass out of your car in your patriotic efforts. Don't leave yourself and your sentiments open to nature's ironic commentaries.

And as for the Ribbon Magnets...*sigh* They're all well meant, I know, but a magnet is worse than a faded sticker because you can take a magnet right off, thus nullifying the statement-of-commitment that applying an adhesive to your bumper entails.

Sure, Support the Troops. This week. Next week? Maybe not.

Anyway, whenever I see a peppy ribbon, I immediately think of something snarky that would be a lot funnier.

And now, my traffic-induced rage can be realized in glorious magnetic vinyl.

Mojo thinks you're a Fascist for reading this. But a Fascist in a good way.

So, I didn't find this. This was posted on Shelleigh's site.

I don't know Shelleigh. She doesn't know me. She posted a comment on Agent Em's site. Agent Em doesn't know her either. But somehow, by the power of the Internets, I got to read her blog. Mojo likens the whole thing to fascism. I'm not sure how, but who am I to argue?

And its a nice blog. It's got a quote by Terence McKenna - and he was a pretty smart fellow.

Anyway, she linked to this site that turns any URL into a strange and unique flower.

It was created by Christine Sugrue.

I wish that it then turned the image into a .jpg that you could host on your site. But it's a Flash powered thing, so you can't. But maybe someone will figure it out.

Here's the image from the main site:



I sat for about 20 minutes plugging in new URLs. Every one is different. Click Here to play.

Something cooler

Hipsters are so passe.

Seriously, quit yer snarking and put on some pants that fit.

Your iPod case < than THIS.

You lose.

I OWN you.

Technically speaking, by the powers of association, I now own a TEENY TINY portion of the techno-behemoth that is Google.

And Google owns Blogger,(and soon, the WORLD).

That's right, I bought stock.

Now listen, I'm not an investy-savvy guy. I don't know anyhting about buying or selling stock. I don't know how to hedge options or speculate on currency fluctuations.

I bet you don't either. Sure sure, we all have some 401K that we picked up along the way, maybe a mutual fund or an IRA too. But I don't know what any of that means. I don't feel any particualr ownership or connection to those things.

My brother has touted Ameritrade and other services as being the greatest inventions for the new investor, but even those are too complicated and annoying for me to pay too much attention to.

So, imagine my delight when I discovered ShareBuilder.com.

ShareBuilder lets you buy as much or as little of any stock you want. ANY STOCK. You want to buy $30 worth of Smith and Wesson? Go for it. They charge $4/transaction with no minimums.

What if the stock is worth more than you want to pay? No problem. I currently own $40 worth of Google. Google stock is currently worth $295/share. So, I own a fraction of a share. Great!

There are some drawbacks, of course, you can't pick the precise moment you want to invest. Instead, they do it all in bulk every Tuesday. Their perspective is that it's a better idea to simply create a habit of investing at regular intervals rather than looking for that one day when the market is down.

Anyway. Check it out. Or not. I don't care.

I'll post something more fun later.

Calling all Cat Owners

You've got a cat? Cool, so do I.

In fact, I've got two of them. One is bad, one is good.

Check out this project.

I think the world needs more projects like this.

If I was smarter, I could come up with a whole bunch of them. But I'm not, so instead, I'm going to insist that you participate in this one.

While you're at it, check out CallaLillie's blog.

Why? Because she can convince a cat to do this:


Anyone who can get a cat to wear clothes demands closer scrutiny.

Holy Sith

I found this on BoingBoing.

There's nothing on the webpage in English, and I don't speak Korean, so instead of giving you the link, I'll just post the picture.